WHY ENDERS ARE MAGIC

WHY ENDERS ARE MAGIC

PSYCHOLOGY AND MOVING ON

Onward to Season 3. 

There’s a term in skateboarding called the ENDER. It refers to the last trick or run you do at the skatepark before you leave. I’m gonna take an ender. That’s my ender. Ender then let’s go. In the past 2 years of visiting skateparks nearly every single day, I’ve witnessed a lot of different enders. And I’ve had my own enders however lackluster they continue to be. What I’ve noticed is that everyone approaches the ender differently. There’s the declaration of an ender when someone finally lands the trick they’ve been working on all afternoon and that decides the departure. There’s the ender run through the park to get to the car. There’s the spectacular ender that requires digging deep for the energy to have a tremendous run before leaving. This is my favorite to watch and it reminds me of deciding which roller coaster to ride before it is time to leave a theme park. What ride do you want to taste as a lingering flavor on the way home? That one.  And then there’s the repeat ender. Ideally each ender’s purpose is to leave the park on a high note. So if the first ender is a bust, you call another one until you leave feeling good. 

What I love about this term ENDER and find to be common in skateboarding vernacular is it’s straightforwardness. Skateboarding with all of its 360s 180s and nose grabs and kickflips and mc Twists, doesn't mince words when it comes to the important stuff. A bail is a bail. A slam hurts, and hipper or a shinner is a big ass bruise. And failure is failure and an important part of the sport. It’s common knowledge that in skateboarding you fail to get better. When you fall or fuck up, or take a major slam there is always a helping hand nearby, a holding of your pain and a soft, gentle congratulations that you are closer to succeeding now then you were before you fell.  

But ENDER. This word is big. Ender quite simply means ending and the understanding of this word holds mutual truths. A celebration and a loss. The choice to make an ending good, but also to sit with the loss of saying goodbye. Packing it in for the day. Being with the sentiment of until next time. Energy and exhaustion. Success and failure. Up close and side by side. There is no sugarcoating an ENDER or pretending it is without grief. It is all at once all the things. And essentially this is what endings really are. All the things. All the time. 

We are always in an ENDER. Whether it feels more like a beginning or an ending. A loss or a celebration. Ender is less an act and more of a state. And this fascinates me. I wonder if my perspective will shift if I consider myself to be in a state of Ender. Does that allow me more softness? Forgiveness? Can I be more compassionate if I am in a state of Ender? What changes? Well, for one, the pull toward do -overs becomes more real. Allowing myself a do- over if things do not go down the way I hoped. And being cool with that do over being public and communicated. Ooops, wait, that’s not what I envisioned. Let me try that again. There seems to be more potential in this state. A wider birth of freedom. A little self compassion, and the desire to lead with curiosity and fun.

So let’s make this episode truly an Ender for Season 2. A recognition of all the fun conversations, all the incredible guests and all the courage shown diving into the deep end and embracing curiosity. A big thank you to all of you, my listeners. For showing up, being curious, and just being awesome. A pause of sadness that it is over for now and a declaration of gratitude for getting to have this much fun together.  I’m going out with a smile on my face and very much looking forward to Season 3. JOY will be taking a short break and returning March 20 with the brilliant Carissa Potter Carlson of People I’ve Loved. In the meantime, please take a dive into the JOY archives, share the show with a friend, and get in touch! Let me know what topic in the psych realm you are curious about. 

Feeling where we have been. Looking forward to what’s next. Grateful for you being here. 

That’s my ENDER.

I’ll be back March 20th with the first episode of JOY Season 3. My guest is the one and only Carissa Potter Carlson of People I’ve Loved. And she is so much fun to talk to. You won’t want to miss it! 

Listen to this episode here.