I’m currently working through a fascinating Human Design continuing education course and my teacher suggested as we do a deep dive on specific aspects of our chart over the next few months that we relax logic and let creativity lead. And while I’m usually not into vision boards, putting logic to the side for a while sounded good. So I pulled together a stack of the only magazine we have in the house, Thrasher and got to work on a collage about parts of my chart. Turns out for better or worse, my vision board was going to have a very specific theme.
I was surprised to find the process easier than I thought and I was reminded of the fact that often boundaries can be helpful in creativity. Sometimes having fewer options yields ease. Limits can lessen the chance of analysis paralysis and sometimes help us get started. On my search through the pages of Thrasher to define a few areas of my chart, I came upon this quote from Helsinki skateboarder EetuToropainin:
“You can’t skate if you’re thinking about your pants all the time.”
True. Totally true. But this also hits deep. What are we capable of if we are thinking about our pants all the time? I’m contemplating metaphorically of course, but really, if our energy is on our pants, expectations of the external world, limitations, conditioning - insert challenge here, what are we missing out on? A lot I think.
At some point we need to stop giving a shit about the pants in order to be truly free.
This year energetically promises to be a time where digging deep into authenticity and sharing our larger than life selves yields tremendous growth. For both ourselves and the collective. And I really like that idea, as scary as it may be. It’s an interesting exercise to contemplate the parts of ourselves we hold back.
I imagine myself to be someone who is generally pretty grounded in themselves. I don’t think I focus on “the pants” very much, but after considering this quote for a few days, it turns out I consider the metaphorical pants an awful lot. More than I imagined. Which feels shitty, but also feels like there is a pool of potential within which to free myself. And that’s super exciting.
As I reflected on what I might be holding back, one idea kept coming to the surface. It’s not a huge idea, certainly not new, but something that is a big part of my life and brings me a ton of joy.
Turns out, I actually think about the literal pants a lot.
Figuring out what to wear skateboarding has been a truly enjoyable puzzle for me. There are constraints based upon pads, my comfort and the weather. Along with me having fun exploring how I can feel like myself within these created limits. I skate so often, I have found myself transitioning my wardrobe to one where I’m ready to skate wherever whenever. Which is hilarious. What am I doing? Truthfully I have no idea, other than following what makes me totally and ridiculously blissed out. It’s become a fun game of creative expression and seeing just how far I can push the limits for myself. Is it too much to wear a Gucci belt skateboarding? No. Does it make me a poser? Probably. Do I give a shit?
Well, yeah I guess a little that’s why I’ve held back.
I’m a mediocre skater at best and probably the only truly terrible skater who skates 5-7 days a week. In fact it is really hard not to improve drastically with so much skating, so on paper that means I’m not very good. But I LOVE it. And also, I’m consistently the only 46 year old mom out there. Giving it a try at all. Having fun, even though I’m not great. And believe it or not, this has earned me a small amount of respect or at least inclusion in the local skate community, which feels really nice.
I’ve never been cool with mediocrity. But in the skateboarding world, mediocre might be all I get. And other skaters seem to have less of a problem with my mediocrity than I do. Chances are I’ll never be able to do a kickflip and I think I might just be okay with that.
But then there’s the putting it out there part and that’s when I’m thinking about the pants metaphorically. There is nothing more internet trolls love to torture than a woman who has zero fucks to give. I imagine if I do start sharing this part of myself the comments will come and come hard. I’m a poser. Worse, I’m an old poser. I can’t really skate, on and on. And this fear of having to justify myself or prove myself has been holding me back. Because in truth I cannot really prove myself in skill. I cannot respond with a kickflip or really anything except for my LOVE of it and the freedom and feeling that these 4 wheels provide.
So what is enough? When do I have enough to share this part of myself more? When am I worthy of fully letting this out? Never, I guess. There will always be a fear there or a reason or a trick I need to learn before feeling worthy of sharing even a photo of what I wore skating.
But I kind of like this idea of never. I can work with never. If me feeling 100% comfortable with this part of myself may never fully arrive, then why wait?
So coming soon, not sure when but soon will be awkward as hell photos of me wearing what I wear skating because it’s super fun for me and a joy that I’m keeping inside out of fear of a 25 year old boy who lives in his mom’s basement with nothing better to do than rag on an old lady living her best life.
The thing is, maybe he actually doesn't exist?
I think I should at least find out, right?
Stay tuned here.
What if we just let it all out together? Where have you been holding back?
Welcome to my new weekly HUMAN DESIGN offering around the SOLAR TRANSITS! What are the SOLAR TRANSITS in HUMAN DESIGN? Similar to astrology, but through the lens of your Human Design, the transits represent the movement of the sun through the Human Design archetypes of your chart. The sun moves through all 64 Human Design Gates (the numbered circles on your chart) over the year, illuminating a theme related to that gate for the week. While weekly themes will vary in their relevance depending upon your individual chart and energy, following the transits provides an opportunity to learn from and contemplate all the gates in your chart over the course of the year. Sounds fun, right?
A few things to keep in mind. If you are new to Human Design and want to know what a GATE is, what your chart looks like or a general intro to be able to follow along throughout the year, go ahead and get on my schedule for a thorough introductory reading or a session appointment where I can go over what you need to know and recognize in order to learn from the transits. Hit here to get on my calendar. Also know that it is not make or break it to understand your chart enough right now to gain from contemplating the transits. Human Design has a very gentle entry into the new year. From now until March we focus on where we have been and where we are and start to envision where we want to go. Being guided by the transits can happen any time. There is no being late. Whenever YOU start is the right answer.
As you follow along with the TRANSITS you might find that there is more to contemplate or you experience the energy more profoundly when the transits occurs thought a gate in an undefined or open energy center. Undefined and open centers are where our energy is truly open and not fixed. And this is actually a good thing. Our greatest lessons and wisdom comes from our undefined and open centers.
This year energetically promises to be a time of great expansion if we can get real honest with ourselves about what we really want and where we want to go. Can you be free enough and creative enough to imagine a life that is truly big enough and wild enough for YOU?
This year focuses on authenticity, sharing all the parts of ourselves and the work of there being a deep synchronicity between our inner worth and our outer worth. The possibilities for expansion rests on what we are able to allow ourselves to receive.
How much love and wonder and health and money and connection can we truly allow ourselves o receive? The truth is as much as we want. This year provides an opportunity for us to practice knowing we are deserving and allowing ourselves to receive. Sounds simple, but requires work and acknowledgement. Luckily the transits are here help guide us in smaller manageable ways! Let's get started!
This week we are invited to take a good hard look at our world in every sense of the word. With the SOLAR TRANSIT in GATE 41, the GATE of IMAGINATION we contemplate what is going on within our bodies, relationships, connections, and prosperity, asking the question:
What is going on that we want to create more of and what is going on that we need to let go of to create room for expansion and growth?
IMAGINATION in Human Design speaks to our power of creativity. What exactly can we imagine? How can we imagine things different from how they were and can we allow ourselves to be creative enough to view ourselves capable of embodying the potential of our biggest desires?
Journaling Prompts for this week:
- What do I really want? What can I imagine for myself? How big can I allow my desires to be?
- Can I imagine a life for myself that is different than today? What does that look like?
- What patterns or old narratives are holding me back from imagining a different version of my story?
- How deeply do I believe in my creativity to envision what I desire?
Have a great week exploring this transit! Let me know what came up for you!
This song might be a bit self-explanatory, given my contemplations above. A really fun and quite lovely ode to skating, KICK PUSH kind of has it all. Context, beat, and lyrics. You'll know why I love it.
I hope you enjoy it too. Hit listen to get a taste.
First got it when he was six, didn't know any tricks
Matter fact first time he got on it, he slipped
Landed on his hip and busted his lip
For a week he had to talk with a lisp like this
Now we can end the story right here
But shorty didn't quit, it was something in the air
Yeah, he said it was something so appealing
He couldn't fight the feeling, something about it
He knew he couldn't doubt it, couldn't understand it, brand it
Since the first kick flip he landed, uh
Labeled a misfit, a bandit (ka-kump, ka-kump, ka-kump)
His neighbors couldn't stand it
So he was banished to the park
Started in the morning, wouldn't stop 'til after dark
Yeah, when they said its getting late in here
So I'm sorry young man, there's no skating here
And so he kick, push, kick, push
Kick, push, kick, push, coast
And away he rolled
Jus' a rebel to the world with no place to go
And so he kick, push, kick, push
Kick, push, kick, push, coast
So come and skate with me
Just a rebel looking for a place to be
So let's kick